April Fool

Today's April Fool's Day. But nth of tt sort of jking seem to be happening ard. Doubt there is much mood anyway. It's been a few months since he has left. Yet, the memories of him still resurfaces once in awhile. JUs a moment ago, it suddenly did.

I am pretty sure i am veri down, lonely and stressed up at this moment. Like wad he said," U mus be proud of wad u're doin and get ur own style." I realised that without him as a role model or guide, i am becoming nua again. Wtf. The wake up call, let me think, think real hard. I need to find my style of doing things and not blindly follow or get pushed ard. Like wad Cedric said to me, " I mus pick myself up frm the bottom and fight my way up."

I am motivated, fired up once agin. It's been long since i hv found this feeling. I am gonna give in my best, so that i am conquer the challenges, leap over all obstacles. Bro, ur presence in my heart has really woke me up. The woke up call that i hv long waiting is back. I am gonna rebuild myself once more. From today on, the 'old' 'motivated' me is back.

It's pretty weird, since it's quite long since i really blog. Gotta pour out most of my sorrows here. Emotions come and go veri often. And it is one particular one that makes me veri moody. Been hving weird dreams lately. Dreams tt really make me feel that the lonliness is killing me. Fuck! I feel like some nua piece of ****.

I wonder, how i could survive thru my sec 4 and j1 days. My turning pt had got to be last yr. And it totally change my perspective to everything. Some said that i hv matured, some said that it is jus the ppl u mix wif. I guess it is all Bullshit. I believe it is because it really hurts me a lot. And i hv no mood to recover frm this hurt. Or the one tt i had believe was the 'untouchable' , is still the one i am waiting for and thinking if she even noe i am waiting. Sometimes, some jus come and go. I really hope this emotions pass off soon. Or God really has something plan or Fate has already prepare a short treat. Jus wish that this is over with soon.

It is time to bring back an old quote:
"Let me tell you something you already know.The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows.
It is a very mean and nasty place and it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it.You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life.
But it ain't how hard you hit; it's about how hard you can get hit, and keep moving forward.How much you can take, and keep moving forward.That's how winning is done.
Now, if you know what you're worth, then go out and get what you're worth.
But you gotta be willing to take the hit, and not pointing fingers saying you ain't where you are because of him, or her, or anybody.
Cowards do that and that ain't you.
You're better than that!"