I wish...

I wish i had more time. I wish i reverse all the mistakes i hv made. I wish i was smarter. I wish i was stronger(both physically, mentally and emotionally). I wish i could hv her back. I wish i could move on and go fer it. I wish and I wish will nv end.

I guess after today i really wish i had done many diff things. To some extent some things i hv done. I really felt great and glorious. But there r also regrets i hv made. This is life i guess. U gain some and yes, u gotta lose some. I am all prepared fer it. I am ready to pursue my dreams. Like wad Reu said. It's ur choice. Yes, i agree. My choice, either i do it or not. There is no in btw. I believe i will and i mus. Pressure is building i noe. But i hv been fighting an uphill battle fer my passion. And the 2nd uphill battle that i am gonna face, i am ready fer it.

After today's PA race. Thoughts start flooding into me. It really spur me to really let it all out. There r so many things i wish. If i had not seen 'her' in tt kayaking team in tt sch. It wouldn't hv made me think so much.( Fer info, i do not know the 'her' at all. She onli resemble someone. Lol) Seeing mountbatten training so hard and NJC. Really let's me think. So many thoughts flooding in. Really gives me a headache. Argh!

I guess wad is impt is to jus get 2 things done: that is Studies and register fer my Medical Check Up. Lol. Still a bit blur after celebrating Pala and Porky bday. Glad they enjoyed themselves.

Gold Day

It's Proky Birthday today. And look wad we got fer him. A Hello Kitty Balloon. Haha. We made him carry around the whole sch. And he kept trying to hide and complain. After so long, most of us tt kena disturbed by him has gotten our revenge at last. Haha. Jus look at Zhong Lin retated face. Lol. Looking at it really makes me wanna laugh.

I gotta admit that maybe repeating has really brought many changes into my lives. Happy and sad ones at the same time. I believe tt it was a gd choice and many great things has happened. One great thing was being in 0711. My class has really brought loads of joy into my life. Esp the guys and the three crazy gurls of my class. Haha. They r my greatest buddies tt i hv ever met. Always so steady and ready. And also bringing my passion to a new lvl and meeting many new gd frenz at the same time.

Went to RP after sch to take pics with Nicholas a.k.a the GOLDMAN. Haha. He was painted GOLD. And he looked damn cool. Gotta go do my work soon. I am really sick. Think i taking MC tmr. Argh!

GoldMan!

Busy

I am quite worried. NXt wk is gonna be busy busy busy. Sux totally, when ur life is bcak to is busiest pace ever. From sch work all the way to commitments u hv promised. Argh! But this is the way to make one succeed. I wonder how true this is. I really hope i could cope.

Went to trg at Bedok Resevoir fer Bedok Puggol CSC. Quite impressed that they did pretty well. Actually enjoyed myself in their trg. Even thought it is not de usual pusing one to its limits and the muscles burning feeling. But it was quite fun trg with them and it feels pretty gd.

I really need to relax a bit. But the problem is there is no time.

Mixed Emo

Should i laught or should i be worried. I really don noe. I am so confused, but deep down in my heart, there is a part of me that is feeling happy and mocking. Mybe it is wrong to be like that. But de scars that lies on me, has made me both happy and worried. I cant predict the future nor can i foretell any predictions. All i know is that things aren't gonna be the same.

Silver

Nafa test sux. Kena screwed by the thoopid standing broad jump. Haha. As expected. i cant jump, even CJ say it was difficult to teach. At least i hv gotten my silver and got it over wif.

Went down fer J1's trg. All i can say is that there is still a long long way fer them. Went to meet Paul fer dinner. We went to Holland V fer dinner. Me, him and Ke Li. Haha. Sorta felt a bit weird. Had a good chat. Oh wells. Another wkend wasted. Haix. At least i did all my tutorials. Gotta do my revidion nxt wk sia.

Mr. FM

Did some studyin today at the sch lib while waiting fer time to past. I am motivated to complete my phy tutorial by tmr nite. I shall make sure i do it. Haha. Funny things happened at gym today. Terrance 'Gay' was freakin late. And Rino decided to give him a name and even recommanded that he buy a new SWIMSUIT and not trunks. He shall be named Mr. FM frm now on. Lol. Terrance 'Gay' a.k.a Mr. FM. The 200m lunges we did nearly killed him. We really train as though we do not wan our lives sometimes. Didn't feel too well. Guess i gotta tuck in early and really make use of tmr time properly.

Argh! I feel like an earthquake. Lol.

April Fool

Today's April Fool's Day. But nth of tt sort of jking seem to be happening ard. Doubt there is much mood anyway. It's been a few months since he has left. Yet, the memories of him still resurfaces once in awhile. JUs a moment ago, it suddenly did.

I am pretty sure i am veri down, lonely and stressed up at this moment. Like wad he said," U mus be proud of wad u're doin and get ur own style." I realised that without him as a role model or guide, i am becoming nua again. Wtf. The wake up call, let me think, think real hard. I need to find my style of doing things and not blindly follow or get pushed ard. Like wad Cedric said to me, " I mus pick myself up frm the bottom and fight my way up."

I am motivated, fired up once agin. It's been long since i hv found this feeling. I am gonna give in my best, so that i am conquer the challenges, leap over all obstacles. Bro, ur presence in my heart has really woke me up. The woke up call that i hv long waiting is back. I am gonna rebuild myself once more. From today on, the 'old' 'motivated' me is back.

It's pretty weird, since it's quite long since i really blog. Gotta pour out most of my sorrows here. Emotions come and go veri often. And it is one particular one that makes me veri moody. Been hving weird dreams lately. Dreams tt really make me feel that the lonliness is killing me. Fuck! I feel like some nua piece of ****.

I wonder, how i could survive thru my sec 4 and j1 days. My turning pt had got to be last yr. And it totally change my perspective to everything. Some said that i hv matured, some said that it is jus the ppl u mix wif. I guess it is all Bullshit. I believe it is because it really hurts me a lot. And i hv no mood to recover frm this hurt. Or the one tt i had believe was the 'untouchable' , is still the one i am waiting for and thinking if she even noe i am waiting. Sometimes, some jus come and go. I really hope this emotions pass off soon. Or God really has something plan or Fate has already prepare a short treat. Jus wish that this is over with soon.

It is time to bring back an old quote:
"Let me tell you something you already know.The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows.
It is a very mean and nasty place and it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it.You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life.
But it ain't how hard you hit; it's about how hard you can get hit, and keep moving forward.How much you can take, and keep moving forward.That's how winning is done.
Now, if you know what you're worth, then go out and get what you're worth.
But you gotta be willing to take the hit, and not pointing fingers saying you ain't where you are because of him, or her, or anybody.
Cowards do that and that ain't you.
You're better than that!"